Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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