you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
