Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
