what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
