She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
