So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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