On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
did you just send me my own nude
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
