you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
