This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
