I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Randomize
