i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
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my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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