You're a womanizer and a bitch.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
