i'm signing you up for texting rehab
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
