I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
