Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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