My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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