LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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