we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
