I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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