Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
