who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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