Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
