i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
