i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
