All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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