I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
