Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why do cheetos always look like penises
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
