i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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