shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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