there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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