her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
