I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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