Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
