ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
