i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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