I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
