i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
