i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
