I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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