Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
