I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
