Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
