Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I need water and some morals
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
