He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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