either way he was missing a nipple.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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