i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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