I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Rumble strips road head = magical
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
