PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
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I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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