i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
