I wish I could punch you in the face.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
