i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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