I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
