Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
