Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
