I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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