so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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