I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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