i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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