the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
