I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
