And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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