I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
