mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
