you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize