pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
don't judge my taste in strippers
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize