My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
