He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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