It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
