Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
