the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
