I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
