Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
