Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
