No, drunk sperm still make babies.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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