Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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