so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
