did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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