Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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