Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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