Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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