There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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