u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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