Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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