spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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