It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
