So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
