thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
