She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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